Saturday, September 18, 2004
i couldnt get 2 slp... here i am to write my bloggy... i begin to wonder wat's life all abt ......? izzit abt family ? friendship ? or even a boy-ger relationship? i don noe.. i start to get confuse... i tried 2 giv my best 2 all aspects.... but guess i fail...
family ? tis is e last place i wld turn to ? i guess so... try not to be home as far as possible... did not wan to get into unneccesary fight wif my mum.... i reali don mean 2 tok back to her or to shout at her... but i always fail to do so... i don noe y.... looking at my frends... their relationship wif their mum reali make me envy them... how i wish i hav a family lyk them... it seems so hard... every family wil hav their own prob.. i noe abt tis... but all i pray for is tt my mum wun nag me over small matter... i lvoe to b at home... but if there r restricitons of wat i shld do or wat i cant do, i don see in any pt y i shld stay home... i used 2 b a veri homely person... i love 2 b in my room... doin my own stuff... but now i lose all these freedom... how i wish everything has nvr changed b4....
friendship ? tis is something which i reali treasure most.... over e years, i hav met diff ppl & we becam frends... but who r reali my true friends... i don noe... i treat them as my best frend, hope they r e same as wel... for e moment i m quite happie in this aspect... but i do lose good frend... over stupid matter
relationship ? i guess tis is my weakest area ba... i keep falling & yet i stil believe in it... i cant believe i m so dumb at times... i lose a great pal cos of tis... how i wish tis nvr exist... i fall & fall.... it's so painful... i jus don noe y i can stil believe in this stuff over & over againz... i cried over these... my grades drop of this as wel. i can even b living lyk a zombie... all becos of love? i tot love is suppose 2 be something great & not lyk tis? if u don believe in me, y choose me as yr partner? u jus treat me lyk yr normal friends, don u? 2 tink i trust u so much.. but i din noe tt u don trust me... u noe how hurting it is for me? i tot we can share everything together... looks lyk i m wrong.... i reali hope tt i can share everything wif u.. be it happi or sad.. i wanna b there for u... guess i m stil not mature enuff, which i believe i am... i m not understanding, stil as demanding & unreasonable as b4... i m trying 2 change, i reali m!! i noe how hard it can b 2 please me at times.... all i hope is u can b smarter a bit.... i don lyk 2 make myself veri clear all e times.. some of e time, things are appearing veri clear 2 u... i jus don get it y u don get it... m i reali tt lousy... i begin 2 lose my faith & trust in love...
i begin 2 wonder wat's my purpose here... i cant seems 2 get things rite... i m trying to b those happy-go-lucky ppl le.. it seems hard... i don noe y.. i do noe wan 2 resign to fate... i always tink i m a strong ger & i'll able to handle all kinds of stituation... im wrong... in fact, i'm jus a cry baby... a cry baby who onli cried & don noe wat else 2 do.. i don used 2 behav in tis wae.. ppl see me as a strong & sensible ger.. but i m not one now.. u said i was strong & more sensible, remember?
PS. sorry. didn't mean to hurt u in anyway. u noe me long enuff 2 judge things, don u? u can always read my mind... i believe u wil b able to do it tis time as well...
:'( i m lost in this world.. can som1 guide me...
all i wanna do is find a way back into love 1:05:00 AM